Take Your Bad Day Out on Mik Brauner
You know you're having a bad day when:
A) You are forced to create yet another to-do list in order to keep track of things you need to do tomorrow, whilst acknowledging that they've already been lingering on for weeks and probably won't get done nearly as soon as you desperately would like them to be.
B) You save this new file as "Fuck You" and every list item reads like: “Call the bank to update my fucking phone number”, "Find out how to log into their fucking website" and “When do I get my motherfucking ulpan travel money?” You think I’m kidding, but I’m not.
For all that Israel has achieved in the fields of biotechnology and pharmaceutical research and agriculture, you'd think the country's banks, insurance companies, mobile operators and governmental organizations would have mastered the basics of website design and usability, overcome language barriers, improved general accessibility and instituted a little thing called professionalism.
So tonight was a close one -- and by tonight, I mean between the hours of 2 and 5 a.m. It was a tough choice between job-hunting, Hebrew homework, Season 2 of Heroes, trying to obtain sex, going for a run, catching up on reading, writing a blog, or, of course, going to sleep, like any normal person might do.
But the choice was inevitable. What better way to blow off steam than by taking your anger out on an unwitting, or should I say dimwitted, subject? ... especially while sipping on an amazingly delicious White Russian? Hopefully he'll realize it's all in good fun... at least fun for me.
Promo pic for "The Mik Show"
So yes, speaking of white Russians, how about that Mik Brauner? Maybe he isn't actually Russian, maybe he is. I don't know... all I know is that his family came to Edmonton from some poor former Soviet country. Right, Miklos?
My first memory of you goes back about 16 years to when, out of nowhere, your family became Beth Israel loyalists. You seemed to be there every time I was there, which was fairly often given that these were the Bar Mitzvah years. I was like, "Who's that skinny kid with the scraggly hair?" and old Rabbi Lagnado -- bless his soul -- was like, "You're asking me? I don't even know who I am!"
Years passed, we went to Talmud Torah junior high in the dungeons of Stratford, somewhere along the way you had a kid and got married (who does that? I mean having a kid is one thing, but marriage?), worked for Rogers, lost a bit of hair -- okay, lost a lot of hair -- and now appear to be making softcore porn with some girl who seems to be your latest girlfriend, not to mention a very bad actress.
I have to admit that your blog, the oh-so-creatively named "Mik's Blog," is actually quite entertaining -- but of course this is coming from someone whose sole preoccupations are sex and technology, anyway. Your Butter Face feature is intriguing -- when are you going to feature one of your sisters? Just kidding... if they look anything like you, I'm sure they're super hot.
You also have a Facebook group, "The Mik Brauner Nation," which is basically a portal into your Blogger and tumblr blogs and your YouTube channel (aptly named "The Mik Show"). Man, with all these self-named social media outlets, you must think you're really important, don't you, Miklos? Well I've got news for you, buddy. Just because you have more followers and more subscribers and more views than I do, doesn't mean I can't make fun of you. So take that, Russian boy.
Afterthought: I really need to stop falling asleep on the beach after class without wearing sunscreen. If I get any more unevenly sunburned, my torso's gonna start looking like the future State of Israel.